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jig

i used to dance
i sort of looked like one of those windsock people
flailing around
this was worse than white people dancing
this was alien
it was so much fun
unless i was dancing with someone else
then it was almost always like fucking while standing up

i haven’t willingly danced in over twelve years
when asked, i avidly decline




intimacy

i become obsessed with certain songs and then listen to them on literal repeat for hours. it’s a lot like falling in obsessive love but without the potential for stalking, which is great. i hear it and i am intrigued by the rhythm and the tone of voice so i listen again, each time trying to uncover the next layer. the bass line. the drums. the synth. the emotion. the hidden. and once i feel like i have heard it all, i keep listening because i know i will never hear it all. it’s more intimate than sex. it’s more profound than philosophy. it’s happier and sadder than i will ever be on my own. i think it is the same thing that makes me sit in art museums and stare at the same piece for an hour, trying to uncover ever single bit of meaning; admittedly i completely stole the idea of doing this museum thing from a friend of mine. though, it’s weird to me that i don’t know many other people who do this.




liar

being a queer kid is hard
in some places it is easier now…
…than when i was a kid
but not all places
and it’s getting harder again…
…especially for trans kids
for me it was quite hard
i had to tell a lot of lies
most of us do
it became a habit
and if i was already lying…
…why not tell a few more
cuz if other kids thought i was cool
maybe they would overlook…
…the queer thing or…
…the poor thing or…
…the me not liking myself thing
it took me until my early 20s…
…to stop
i had to be ok just being myself first
twenty years ago and i still feel shame




tequila

i got a nickname back then
the dancing gray ass
it’s a funny one...
…but wordy
new years eve, 2000
i was super cute then
i don’t remember this but…
…they say i danced…
…around the living…
…room in nothing…
…but my gray bikini…
…briefs
i was super cute then
haven’t had tequila since